I Apologize...Forgive Me...I'm Sorry...

If you are married, or if you are a parent, or a sibling, or a friend, or if you have any communication with any people whatsoever…you are going to eventually make a mistake, or have one made against you.

The opportunity for an apology will arise at some point in this lifetime, or in this week, or today!

HOW do we get our message across??? We have no problem saying “I’m Sorry” when we accidentally bump into a stranger, so it shouldn’t be any different when we’ve wronged someone close to us. The thing with “I’m Sorry”, is that while it’s important to speak, and to hear, it’s somehow lost it’s meaning over the years. We say “I’m Sorry” to the dog when we accidentally step on it’s tail, or “I’m Sorry” to our children when they are asking for something we’ve already said no to. We say “I’m sorry” to the person we accidentally cut off in traffic, who doesn’t know that we are sorry because of the gestures in the rear view mirror…

As Christians, we have done the same thing with “Please Forgive Me”, I ask that you Forgive Me” “I Forgive You”. While saying these things are important, are they really necessary to speak every time something goes wrong?

A Story:

I’ll never forget Ken and I sitting with some dear friends of ours in the living room of a pastor and his wife. We were having some strained issues in our friendship, so we asked if we could meet at their house while we dealt with a couple of these issues in front of them. It did not go as expected. That evening backfired on us. While we were discussing our issues back and forth, the only thing that was important to this mediator was our words. I can’t even remember which way he asked us to say it , “Please forgive me, or “I need to ask your forgiveness”, but we had to do it differently every time, because we weren’t saying the words right!!! It didn’t seem to matter our hearts’ condition, it was all about the “facade” the appropriate words, the eloquence of the apology. Our friends left the meeting feeling satisfied, I left more upset than when I got there. But everyone else was content because I played the game and said what I was supposed to say.

I’ve searched the Bible, in several translations, and the act of Forgiveness is all the way through. We serve an amazing God who is willing to Forgive us and Forget what we’ve done no matter what. God wants us to seek Him for Forgiveness. He warns us that if we do not Forgive others, we ourselves won’t receive forgiveness. However, interestingly enough, no where does it say that there is a certain way it should be said.

You see, God Himself is not interested in our words, as much as He is interested in the condition of our hearts. It is important to hear the words, to say the words, but most importantly, it is to see the change in the heart.

While we have taught Alec the importance of forgiving, and asking for forgiveness, and apologizing, and the importance of speaking those words, we have also taught him with those words spoken, you must also act in such a way that you mean it. Not only in the moment, but for the days afterwards. When he was young we would have him speak the words, then follow it up with an action: a hug, or handshake, or an act of serving.

Speaking the words “I am truly sorry” “Please forgive me”, are selfless acts, where you are drained of any pride, but I dare you to act upon those words. That’s the true test.

We live in a world where words can be so empty. Just turn on the television. Words. Radio: Words. Words are easy. Words can be meaningless. Words only take the movement of your tongue. But Actions. Actions are difficult. They take a boldness, bravery, and courage. A movement of your whole body, your being, your soul.

I am so thankful that my husband sees my apologies through my actions, even if I don’t utter the sacred “I’m Sorry” words every time. He knows that all is well, and that I have done some soul-searching, and he receives my apology.

Ken asked if I could add this story:

A couple of weeks ago, we were having a serious disagreement…We went to bed upset. (I know…we didn’t resolve it before bedtime) I awoke the next morning and sat out on the swing with coffee, nature, the Lord, and my conscience. I was led to repent for my actions and my words and my attitudes toward Ken. I got off the swing, went in to the kitchen, made him the best cup of coffee and went in to the bedroom to wake him up (which I never do, since I enjoy as much alone time in the mornings as I can get). I kissed him and handed him his coffee. He said “honey, I’m so sorry” I told him, “no, today is a new day”. He accepted my apology, accepted my forgiveness, and we went on with our “new day”.

On the other hand…We can’t wait for people to say they are sorry or to ask for forgiveness, before we should forgive. We are commanded to Love, and we are commanded to Forgive regardless of how severe the hurt. But if you see the actions of a repentant heart, even without the words…don’t discount it.

If I have hurt you, I have no problem apologizing, but when you see it in my actions…you’ll know.

Here is a fun website on apologies, if you aren’t an expert already!!!: The Perfect Apology